This is the ninth chapter in the Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln, where a famous Lincoln quote is turned upside down and inside out in 100 words. "If you do something, do it well," is an infamous Lincoln quote which is open to misinterpretation, and Instapundit's Glenn Reynolds takes it way too far...
Abraham woke to a horrific grinding and screaming. He ran down to the White House kitchen"Professor Reynolds, explain yourself this instant!" shouted Lincoln.
"Well, you know how I like to mutilate puppies with knives, correct?"
"Yes," said Lincoln hesitantly. "You're quite good at it."
"I've invented a device that will mutilate them quicker with high-speed rotating knives," said Reynolds. "It's called a blender."
Lincoln examined the device. He wiped off the puppy guts and blood and held it up.
"At least you're doing it well," said Abraham, putting the blender down. "Go on."
The screams continued into the night.
Damn the Puppy Blender! Damn him to Hell!