Okay, so I promised not to do any more Jesus stories, but "Mass Confusion" was just begging for it...
Gregory preferred "Father" but they called him "Lieutenant." "How's your Arabic, Lieutenant?" asked the captain. "Um... not good," said Gregory. "Just two weeks during Basic." "More than I got," said the captain. "HQ wants Mass for indigenous personnel at oh six hundred." "But, that's in thirty min-" "You have your orders," said the captain. "Dismissed." Gregory genuflected, saluted, and left. That afternoon, a Major-Bishop watched as Gregory stuttered and stumbled through the ceremony. "Forgive us," he muttered. Later research by Papal Authorities determined that the wine and host had transformed into the body and blood of Roberto Clemente, not Jesus.
How I came up with Roberto Clemente, I'm not sure, but then my Arabic's worse than Father-Lieutenant Gregory's.
