In what will certainly result in a popular series of cartoons, the truth is revealed about a certain famous individual's return from the brink of death...
"Ever since he came back, he's been a real dick," said Luke."We were out walking when we saw a boy with a crippled leg," Matthew said. "He begged to be healed, but Jesus broke his crutch and struck him lame in the other leg."
"Don't forget the wine!" said Timothy. "We were going to celebrate his return, but he waves his hands and poof! It's turned into water."
"There's no way we can make this church work with him screwing around," said Mark. "Finish him off?"
Everybody nodded, and they drew straws.
"We'll just say he... ascended," said Luke.