Let's ring in the new year with our favorite dead president...
The war had not gone well, and Lincoln was glad to see 1861 come to a close."I do not feel like celebrating, but we might as well ring in the new year," he said.
"Drunks!" growled Mary Todd. "Nothing but worthless, shameless drunks out there!"
"If we take habitual drunkards as a class," said Lincoln, "their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class."
Right on cue, a drunk stumbled up the steps of the White House, groaned a "Happy New Year" and promptly keeled over, dead.
"Their horribly abused livers are another matter entirely," said Lincoln.
