Hello, everyone. My name is Laurence Simon.
I'm in the final round of the Pickle Tales Story competition at Podcast Pickle, and I need your support.
Now, my campaign advisors have given me a list of mudslinging tactics to belittle my opponent Phil Rossi, and I want to state here and now that I will not engage in slanderous, untrue accusations.
I run a clean campaign.
I won't accuse Phil of having attended a radical Wahab madrassa in Indonesia during his formative years. Like Barack Obama did. Or... didn't.
Neither will I call into question his sexuality... what a man does with pandas in his private residence is his own business. Especially if he's making a lot of money doing it live on streaming webcams.
And I certainly won't accuse him of being Adolf Hitler. As we all know, Adolf Hitler died back in 1945.
Or so the Germans would have us believe.
But even if Hitler is dead, it is a distinct possibility that Phil Rossi is not a clone of Adolf Hitler. Or Pol Pot. Or Ghengis Khan. Or Josef Stalin or any other mass-murdering genocidal maniac from history.
No, I'm going to keep this clean and fair, an honest campaign.
Head over to the Podcast Pickle forums, listen to the two stories, register for the forums, and vote for your favorite piece that was not performed by a genetic copy of the greatest war criminal in history.
Once again, my name is Laurence Simon Wiesenthal... I mean... forget that Wiesenthal bit... unless you don't want to.
Thank you.