Senator Douglas walked the streets, laughing and rubbing his hands.
"What's so funny?" asked a farmer.
"Your president is a cannibal!" said Douglas, and he laughed himself silly.
"That's a lie!" said the farmer, but Douglas was gone, telling some other person the same lie.
Ten thousand times that day, Douglas lied.
The next day, when people accused him of lying, Douglas denied it and held a bloody stump out of his sleeve. "Lincoln tried to eat me!"
Well, Lincoln did try to eat Douglas, but even the slimy Douglas had his pride and wouldn't show what he'd bitten off.
I couldn't decide what story to post on the occasion of my turning 39.
So, might as well go with a "Lincoln bit off Douglas' cock" story.
That'll make Mom and Dad proud, eh.