Archive for the ‘Halloween’ Category

Bobby wanted to dig a hole to China.

His mother said it couldn’t be done.

So, instead of digging to China, he dug a hole to Hell.

That wasn’t so hard to do, really. Just took him a few minutes dripping some blood from his fingertip on to his trowel.

The trowel bit into the dirt, drew out a clump, and a large blast of fire and heat exploded from the back yard.

Bobby, his mother, and the house vanished instantly.

After a day of infernal madness, the government sealed off the block and said “It’s just a gas leak.”

Hole In The Ground

The people on the TV say today is a day to reflect.
But I, Count Dracula, am a vampire.
I have no reflection.
I look in the mirror and I see nothing.
Should I be seeing something?
Ten years go, I go to my coffin, I rest during the day, and when I wake up, everybody is losing their shit on the TV.
People are digging through the rubble.
And they’re donating blood.
And all I can think about is “Well, this sucks. Now when I go out to drink, not only will I be a monster, but unpatriotic, too.”

Count Dracula

Remember that supermodel Kate Moss? Yeah the really thin chick. Really thin. Scary thin. She could put on a bikini and double her weight. yeah, that's her. You could see the bones in her hips… her arms, really unattractive, yet, she was a model.

well, she got bitten by a zombie... kept groaning brains, and all, but when it got right down to it, after all the biting and attacking and stuff, she didn't really eat any brains. Oh, sure, she’d moan braaaaaaains along with the rest of the pack, she ended up just pushing them round on her plate."

Kate

When people asked Dolly Parton what she wanted people to say about her in 100 years, she’d say: “Darn, she looks good for her age!”

When the zombie outbreak swept across the country, Dolly was one of the many millions roaming the streets moaning “BRAAAAAAINS!”

Well, not exactly moaning. She still had a bit of that sweet friendly twang to her voice. Some say she’d toss in a “Howdy, y’all!” and “How ya doin?”

The plague was contained, she was caught, and after all these years, her still-groaning corpse is in Examination Pod Nine.

And, damn, she looks like shit.

Dolly

Seth ran into the storeroom, slammed the door shut, and pushed a table against it.

WHAM! A zombie hit the door, rattling Seth.

The lock held. For now.

He pulled out a cigarette, remembered he was inside, oh screw it, the world's ending, right?

He reached for his lighter... damn it, where... where... no lighter.

More pounding. Loud moaning.

"Want a smoke?" he had asked Dr. Grant. "Not like these guys are going anywhere, right?"

Oh, how he wrong he'd been. All he wanted now was just one smoke.

Grant had his lighter.

Seth moaned. And the zombies moaned louder.

The Patient Patient

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I'm your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Eighty-Eght, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Halloween

And we've got stories by:

Sevda
Huangfu Ran
Carole
Sachy
Chris Munroe
Tom
Paladin
Jeff Hite
Miketh Fretwork
Steven the Nuclear Man
Zackmann
Norval JoeTJ
Planet Z

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.


Sevda

Halloween

This child transforms into a vampire
Running past the blazing campfire
Instantly upon the porch he yells
“Can I have a trick or treat”
Kindly, he’s given blood to eat
OR
This child transforms into a smurf
Running around the familiar turf
Every stop continues the flood
As she yells out, “Happy Halloween”
Till her face by all is seen

Huangfu Ran

The piping of orioles and twitter of swallows
announce a new year.
To Ma Yi and Long Dui
a thousand mile road.
My home is in a towered city close to the Han park;
My heart follows the bright moon into Tartar skies.
On my loom I have woven my endless sorrow
into brocade;
In the upper chamber, sprays of bl ossom
mock my solitary sleep.
I ask General Dou, Commander of Cavalry,
When will he turn the banners
and carve his exploits on Swallow Rock.

Carole

I was in the shower working up a rich, soapy lather with my body scrub, when the doorbell started to persistently ring.

“Darn,” I thought, “What could be so important?”

I hastily stepped out of my warm cocoon, into my pink fluffy robe and flew down the stairs to answer the door.

A coven of six year old ghouls proffering pumpkin buckets and cauldrons yelled
“Trick or Treat!” at me , giggling with anticipation. I noted their “Gatekeeper”, a tall, gorgeous, handsome man, appraising my dripping wet body, so I responded with a seductive wink

“Well, that depends….”

Later on...

Sachy

From the hell fire in which Halloween was created, the most demonic and horrifying creature was born. In lore he would come to be known as...Brucie.

"Oh em gee, that's me!"

Greedy tendrils work their way into your unsuspecting pillow cases, bags and buckets in search for his favorite candies.

"Is that Snickers? I just know these are going to go straight to my hips."

If you see the bright sequenced vest and gleam of leather chaps in the moonlight, grab your candy and run for he is the one creature that will ruin your Halloween.

"You're so silly."

Chris Munsi Monroe

And welcome back to Zombie chat! We’ve got some amazing guests joining us on the show tonight and we can’t wait to get started.

First up we’ve got Nobel prizewinning economist Paul Krugman joining us, and we’re going to eat his brain. Our musical guest is Canadian ‘90s power poppers The Odds, playing one of their classic hits. Finally, the head chef of a popular downtown restaurant will be dropping by to cook us a meal involving a surprising secret ingredient!

But first, what’s left of David Mitchellson is outside with the action weather report. Take it away, David!

“Raaaaaaaaain…”

Tom

After very little thought I have decided what I want to be for Halloween this year. Angry Bird Red. I built a 20 foot sling shot. Got an 8 foot ball of nerf covered in red Kevlar. For the destructive material braking kinetic aspect of the costume I’m lighting up ¼ sticks of dynamite and throwing them against people’s screen doors. Really brings that trick or treat meme into the 21st century. Tried to talk my wife into dressing up as Yellow Angry Bird. She pointed out someone needs to me around to throw bail. Ok honey release the ….. eeeeee.

Paladin

Watch, I'll show you how it's done. Ya gotta jump when you go into the fog, if you jump when you get in then you're flying and the ghosts can't get you. Watch out, the grass is lava. Hop on the rocks. Quick up the stairs, use your flashlight so the goblins can't get you through the holes. Knock knock. Open bag, smile. TRICK OR TREAT!! Thank you, you're welcome. Don't worry, he's a friendly werewolf. On to the next house. You're doing pretty good for your first Halloween.

Jeff Hite

Bill came onto the bridge wearing half of an environment suit.
“Why are you wearing an environment suit?” the Computer asked.
“What? oh this, yeah I am putting my Halloween costume together.”
“Halloween?”
“Yes, I want to be ready for the big party at the end of the month.”
“It is only September, and there will be no one to have a party with. Everyone will be in stasis for another 40 years.”
“Well party pooper, I am going to have a great costume, you’ll see. And there will be lights and music, you have got the monster mash right?”

Miketh

Candles are lit, the table is set and the wine is sitting chilled in a bucket of ice. Darla peeks out the window not once but twice. Her husband was late again which wouldn’t suffice. When he walked in the door she would not cause a scene, for it was October 31st also known as Halloween. Charles did love to be fashionably late. He had even done so on their very first date. He took her and kissed her under that old oak tree. If only he hadn’t been dead since 2003. He’d want more than brains unlike other zombies.

Steven The Nuclear Man

My benefactor chortles from the shadows. "Your Trunk-and-Treat was
very...sanitary, Pastor." His belly moves when he speaks.

I nod and mumble my thanks. "Thanks to you, it was a very Christian--"

He laughs and his belly jiggles. "I don't care what you call it.
Just so they forget what this holiday is really about. Forget the
sacrifices. Forget what they were scared of."

Two short men - elves - grab my wrist, and I glimpse red cloth and
white beard as my benefactor rises.

"And then they'll forget my holiday, and milk and cookies will never,
ever be enough."

Zackmann

Wow, Captain Cheyenne if you are normally a pirate should you dress as a pirate for Halloween? Great sexy goblin nurse costume,Nyro.
Oh, it is a regular nurse costume I put the sexy in it. Said Nyro.
Also the real tail. Here have some candy, I wouldnt do this to the children on Halloween but would you like some fresh fruit? To bring back to the ark? Unlike pirates most children don’t worry much about scurvy.
How did you know about the story ark? asked captain Cheyenne.
Nyro posted a picture on Twitter when you landed at the river.
zackmann

Drew convinced his mother to take him and this brother shopping for Halloween costume stuff. He asked his mother for a good deal of costume stuff. Her response was telling him that he was crazy if he thought she was spending that much for something that he will use only once. He responded by asking why she would think he would only use it once.
Later asks to go back for some red and blue cloth also some black electrical tape.
On Halloween night, Drew’s dad was not sure which superhero Drew was but had to admit Drew looked great

Norval Joe

Detective Branson woke to the sound of his dog scratching at his bedroom door. He peered at his bedside clock.
"3 AM," he moaned.
The phone rang. Typically, he wouldn't answer it, but he was already awake.
"Branson. This is Captain Harris," the familiar voice said. "You were right about the zombie invasion starting at mid-night on Halloween. Only problem is, mid-night on Halloween was this morning and not tonight. You'd better get right in."
Getting out of bed, Branson kicked his dog where it lay on the floor, sleeping.
When the scratching came again, he reached for his shotgun.

TJ

Hi! Oh, sorry. Hey there, I'm... someone else entirely, my bad. Hey,
nice costume! Oh... sorry. No, it's still a great costume, just you're a
dude. Hello? Hello? Anyone? Miss? *"Enjoys a sense of whimsy and
lighthearted fun." Yeah, thanks eMusicalChairs, that's, um, all well
and good until, say, someone like Sharon sets up your first meeting at a
Halloween Corn Maze in the middle of a Three Musketeers theme. And has
you both dress like... you guess it... musketeers. Sharon? Sharon? Oh...
hi... costume came with its own mustache as well, hmm. Or, wow, I...
sure hope it did.

Planet Z

Some people pass out candy for Halloween.
But this year, all I seem to do is pass out.
Every time I open the door to step out there, the world goes all swimmy.
What are you, ghost? Zombie? Pirate? Regis Philbin? The One Percent?
Things get dark, and I’m falling.
When I come to, the candy’s gone, maybe I’ve got a bump on my head or a bruise on my arm.
Damn kids. Damn Halloween.
Then I realize I’ve been stepping on the hose to my oxygen mask.
Pulling the tank a little closer to the door should solve it.

Weekly Challenge #288 - "Halloween"

The old saying goes: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

Especially if it's a vampire horse. Those kind only drink blood.

However, when you do the math, the turn out to be a lot cheaper to take care of that normal horses.

They don't need all that veterinary work, shoes, or other crap. Maybe the occasional fancy Victorian-style leather saddle.

None of that glitter or black eyeliner crap. Fuck Twilight, dude.

Oh, and fresh victims every now and then, which if you don't mind going through a new stable boy every few days, isn't much of an imposition.

Leading

If bunnies eat carrots, do baby bunnies eat baby carrots?

The answer is... well... sorta.

It depends on how young the baby bunny is.

If it's a newborn, then it needs to nurse before it can eat solid foods.

Once it can eat solid food, you can feed it any kind of carrots or healthy vegetables.

Unless it's a vampire bunny.

Those do not eat vampire carrots. Or vampire baby carrots.

Those drink blood.

So, why are you asking me this?

Oh. That's what's in the cage you brought me?

This empty cage.

I'd suggest we run. Away. Really fast.

Baby Bunnies

The word "turnpike" got its name from guardsmen standing at either side of a road and lowering their poleaxes to block the road until a toll was paid or a pass was shown.

These days, the pike has been replaced by a mechanical barrier or by cameras which scan for an electronic toll-paying device and capture the license plate numbers of violators.

Still, somewhere in that tollbooth, there's a fierce-looking halberd leaning against the wall.

When the machines fail. Society breaks down, and the zombies win.

The tolls must be paid, and they certainly don't collect themselves.

One brain please.

Coming Down The Pike

Zombies everywhere.

Nowhere to hide.

I found a boat and made it to an island in the middle of a lake, but the zombies walked along the lake floor and started to come ashore.

So, I kept the boat at sea, which really sucks because I get seasick easily.

I have plenty of food, ammo, and fresh water. And books to read.

If I need more, I go back to shore and collect supplies.

I saw a clown zombie. A freaking clown zombie.

Sick, really, twisting his guts into the shapes of animals.

But funny.


Thank you, Chef Karl!

Zombie Clown